I chose to fall in love.
I had spent years learning to control my emotions. No angry, no great sadness, stoic, centered in the world. Able to observe, and influence so well. I feel sad and sort of empty remembering that time, I cannot explain what it is like to have that sort of…. control.
The one thing control did not give me was motivation. Motivation to succeed, motivation to move forward.
I saw that I was going no where.
To who I was then, love was an economic choice. Hard to say, but true. Love would enable me to reach a higher potential; I have not gone as high yet as I hope for, but still I strive.
I knew, that by letting free the base primitive emotions that I had fought so hard to control, I would be able to use the instincts born in to me by nature to fulfill a greater purpose, to aim for higher goals.
By giving up control, I gained something. A switch in my mind, flipped by my hand, told me to fall in love. To let free motions long held in reign.
Rarely I regret it, when I realize how dangerous of a game I play, when my anger rages out of control, when my emotions run free and visions of hate and violence dance freely in my head.
But without letting loose, I could never achieve what I have today. I would not be in this chair, in this office(cubical…). I would not be respected by those around me for my intelligence and working spirit.
Still, love has not completely given me control over my mind’s tendency to stray wayward from its goals, but greatly reduced by many orders of magnitude have such tendencies become.
Odd, be it that your situation differs so greatly from mine in the gender roles employed. I lament that the one I love is not capable of complete sacrifice of body for love of another, that she does not sway the thought of I as I sway at the thought of her. Her definition of love can be broken up, still maintains its economic basis, yet such was the agreement I knowingly bound myself to when I promised my love to her, fully informed by her as it was.
(On advising to a friend on what to do given her lovers lack of ability to know the emotion of love) What I advise is such: Send the one you love to meditate for durations lasting of at least an hour a day, every day. If such length cannot be maintained, mayhap instead half an hour a day for 7 days a week. While such a habit is most easily acquired during the months of the summer, for then is it most pleasant to be out amongst the gardens and the sky, reflecting on what splendor nature has created for us, much can be found to occupy a mind during all seasons of the year.
The goal of such an activity would be for the one whom you love to acquire a greater understanding of who he is and how he relates to the world. To come to grips with emotions, past experiences, and to further develop his introspective abilities. I highly recommend that he initially attend a workshop of some sort that will give him the basic tools of the mind necessary to complete such a journey with ease, for there is no sense in him roughly traversing the simple pathways that have been traversed many times before.
No, this is not nonsensical new age balderdash. The mind itself works on principles which we have barely discovered. Yet our mind, our very intelligence, is what makes us alive, what lends personality, behavior, curiosity, emotion, and understanding. The bodies we possess are easily augmented, improved. From simple tools to cars to prosthetics, our bodies are merely controlled by our consciousness through some process which we do not understand as yet but a very small fraction of.
Just as we, mankind, have gained control over our surroundings in the physical, I believe that that we must also gain a control over our intellectual capabilities.
The first step to gaining control in a new environment is to fully understand what resources are available to be utilized. Walk into an office to start a new job, upon being shown your desk, is not the first question you ask: “Where may I find a pen?” (or some similar variant there of). Assessing ones environs and gaining both control and understanding of them is critical to success. Tis not a needed task, for verily many do work years ignorant of the systems around them, but for those who wish success in life, such ignorance is known to be unwise.
Yet, how few have attempted such control over their own mind? To explore the resources therein shall lie a great many surprise. Much of what you take for granted in life, and this I promise you, need not be as it is. Pain need not be felt in all but the most dramatic of circumstances. Sweat need not flow but when it is of the utmost importance. Adrenaline may run through your veins when ever you will it to be so.
We are our minds. Understand who you are.
If the one you love can achieve even a fraction of such level of control, then it will be a matter of simplicity for him to understand what love is.
I could, in but a few short words, describe love to you. Lay bare all of its most fundamental secrets. Gaining such understanding of any emotion was once a simple matter for me, and I have carefully maintained in my mind the knowledge I previously fought so hard to discover.
But, dear lady, I have too much heart now. Better that some things left unsaid, for though you likely have an understanding of the true meaning of love, that understanding, though lip service is given quite readily and easily, to ponder it at length, or to see it exposed in such bluntness as I would subject it to, is not something I would do to you.